I think we’ve all had those times in our lives when it seems like there are 1,000 things to do, including work, financial and social obligations, and there seem to be 500 other things that also need to be done, all whilst receiving the ‘ding’ of yet another digital notification. You might start doing one thing, only to be distracted by another and, to be honest, it can become overwhelming. Life around you doesn’t stop to let you get on top of things, and it feels like it’s just continually adding to your ‘To Do’ list.
The threshold for how many demands people can handle varies significantly from person to person. Some people appear to have a lot going on and manage it, while for others, half a dozen demands at the same time become overwhelming. Either of these is ok, because we’re all different. This threshold varies because of several factors, including personal preference for the number and level of demands, cultural norms around what is considered reasonable, skill level and experience, a person’s physical and mental health, and the social environment and support someone receives. No matter where your personal level sits compared to others, it’s your threshold, and you need to honour it.
What matters more than the number of demands on your plate is what happens in between, or rather, what doesn’t. Problems arise when there is a mismatch between your body and mind staying in a state of arousal, whilst you don’t have any genuine opportunities to downregulate. That small ‘ding’ of a notification isn’t just an interruption; it’s a small hit of arousal that keeps your nervous system primed, even during times of rest.
This is where mindfulness can play a part. It can help create genuine pauses for the nervous system to recover, even briefly, amid the demands that aren’t going away.
Notice before managing. Before you can respond to overwhelm differently, you need to notice that it’s there. Many people in overwhelmed states tend to move on autopilot, and only recognise the toll on themselves afterwards, such as tension headaches, shallow breathing, or snapping at someone they care about. Take a few moments during your day to ask, “What am I feeling in my body right now?” Notice what is actually there, such as tight shoulders, a racing pulse, or a clenched jaw. Relax your shoulders, take a few deep breaths, unclench your jaw. Build a habit of noticing and choosing a different response.
Micro-recovery. You don’t need an hour of meditation to recover, and, for many of us, that is impractical in our busy lives. Instead, consider the following:
- Ninety-second reset. Step away from your task, put your feet flat on the floor, and take six slow, deep breaths. Breathe in for four counts, out for six. The longer exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system and helps your body shift out of the threat-response mode.
- Single-tasking. Choose one task and deliberately focus only on that task: notifications off, one tab open, phone on silent, and let people know you’re unavailable for the next 10 or so minutes. Even short stretches of focused attention can interrupt the reactive state that makes everything feel urgent at the same time.
- Naming the list. Rather than carrying your to-do list in your head, write it down. Externalising it reduces the cognitive load of holding all the tasks in your working memory and, once it’s written down, it often looks more manageable. You can often group tasks that belong together, rather than thinking of them as distinctly individual items.
When your demand threshold is met (or exceeded), we often instinctively lean towards self-criticism; the “I should be able to handle this” thought arises. Treat yourself with the same understanding you would a colleague or friend in the same position, recognising that the struggle is part of the shared human experience, rather than a personal failing. Practically, this might be softening the things you say to yourself, from “I’m failing to keep up,” to “This is genuinely a lot right now, and it makes sense that I’m feeling like this.” This shift in thinking doesn’t remove the demands, but it removes that extra layer of suffering that comes from judging yourself for having human limits.
None of this replaces the need for systemic changes, such as adequate staffing, reasonable workloads, or workplace cultures that don’t acknowledge overextension. However, these practices can help you stay connected to yourself while you navigate demands you may not fully control. Next time you’ve got a lot on your plate, notice when you’ve moved into overwhelm and create small pockets of genuine recovery. Meet yourself with compassion, not criticism: amid a life that won’t slow down to let you catch your breath, that’s not a small thing.
Be kind,
Dr Nicole Jeffery-Dawes (she/her)
Senior Psychologist, Mental Health and Wellbeing
