This year’s International Youth Day theme, ‘Different Contexts, Common Aspirations’, reminds us that although young people grow up in a wide variety of environments, their hopes are very similar. Whether they live in a busy city, a remote community, a farming town, or a coastal location, most young people want to feel safe, valued, connected, and understood.
As adults, thinking back to those ‘younger days’, I am sure you can remember someone who made a difference in your life. Mrs May, a history teacher, was one of mine. Such a beautiful person, and even when I had no interest in history at all, I ended up doing a minor in history at university. She made me feel noticed and heard. She was not there to solve any of my problems; she just made that connection with me, and that was all I needed.
Supporting young people (or anyone for that matter) is not about having all the answers (if you do, please contact me, as I have loads of questions). A good way to start supporting young people is to show up, sit with them and be present, rather than feeling the need to lead them.
Sometimes, working in rural and remote communities, this can feel quite challenging. Workforce shortages, limited specialist services, long waiting lists and professional isolation can cause a sense of pressure to “fix” things, to get out your magic wand and furiously wave it. Whatever your role, there may be times when a young person shares something difficult with you, and it is more than natural to think, “What should I say? What if I get it wrong?”
The reality is that young people are not looking for perfection; they are looking for connection.
Research consistently shows that one caring, trusted adult can have a significant impact on a young person’s wellbeing and resilience.¹ It is not because the adult has all the answers, but because they provide that safety, consistency and the feeling that someone genuinely cares.
Young people can get strength from their connection to family, community, culture and Country. But remember, it takes a village to raise a child, and young people just want to know that there is at least one adult who will listen without judgement, take them seriously, and remind them that they do not have to do this alone, wherever they are from.
Sometimes our biggest strength is our ability and willingness to stay present. Rather than rushing in to offer advice or problem solve, we can slow down, show support and become curious, saying, “That sounds really hard,” or “Thank you for sharing your story with me,” “I am here with you,” or one of my favourites, “Tell me more.” These simple responses say a whole lot more than any advice would. A problem shared is much easier to manage.
Listening may occasionally feel uncomfortable. Usually, we don’t want to see someone in distress, especially when we are in close proximity to them. But attempting to solve a problem too quickly can sometimes shut down the conversation. Young people often need space and support to make sense of their own thoughts and find the words before they are ready to hear or go through possible solutions.
This International Youth Day invites us to look past the differences in where young people live and instead notice what connects them. Every young person deserves to feel that they belong, that their voice has weight, and that there are adults who will be with them when life becomes difficult. Sometimes, we become that person without ever realising it.
The conversation you didn’t think twice about may be the one a young person remembers years later. A smile may be the first kindness they have experienced that day. Asking the words, “How are you really doing?” might just open up a conversation that they didn’t want to have but knew they needed to.
You do not need the perfect words or to solve every problem. You don’t even need to have all the answers. Sometimes, the most meaningful thing we can give is our calmness, interest and willingness to simply stay and be with them.
This week, maybe the question is not, “Do I have the right answers?” but more, “How can I help this young person feel a little less alone today?”
Stay curious, kind and brave,
MC Mandile (she/her)
Senior Psychologist, Bush Support Line.
- Soanes, L. (2021). The need for better access to mental health support among young people with cancer. British Journal of Healthcare Management. https://doi.org/10.12968/bjhc.2021.0106
