Most of us know our inner critic well: mine tends to show up most when I am tired. Our inner critic is the internal self-talk that passes judgment on our actions, can tell us we are unworthy and attacks or guilts us when it can. The critic often points out everything you missed, what you should have done or said instead, what you really need to do more or better, and sometimes why you may not be good enough. Often in rural and remote healthcare, our critics can be particularly loud, feeding off high-pressure environments with limited resources.
Parts therapies such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Resource Therapy remind us that there are ‘no bad parts’. So here’s the thing: that inner critic is actually trying to tell you that ‘something is not right’; it is just doing it in a way that isn’t particularly helpful.
Finding out what’s not right is like getting to the centre of an onion. Sometimes there may be many layers, and other times just a few. Often, exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed are the outer layers, and other issues closer to, or in the centre, may be, “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m worthless,” or “I should have done something different.” Our critic will often speak to us in an urgent, judgmental tone because it thinks that is the best way to get us to stop and listen, which we do, but there are more helpful ways to get us to do this.
Just like a smoke alarm, our critic’s role is to help us scan for risk. However, sometimes the critic is the only sound we hear. At times like this, we need to bring in self-compassion. Dr Kristin Neff refers to self-compassion as deriving from the Latin terms “we’re with (com) suffering (passion)”.¹ Self-compassion likes to sit with our critic and have a chat, listening with care and compassion to help us in a ‘nicer’ and more helpful way.
You might imagine an internal conversation between the two going something like this:
Critic: “You are not doing enough. Look at all the things you still haven’t finished.”
Self-compassion: “I hear how many things you have to do, and that you don’t have the time you need to get it all done.”
Critic: “If I don’t push you, nothing will get done.”
Self-compassion: “Thank you for trying to keep us safe. I am here with you so we can do this together; you are not alone. Let me help out, too.”
When we allow self-compassion to sit with our critic, our nervous system often shifts, allowing our body to settle and become more curious rather than going into self-attack mode. We start asking ourselves, “What does the critic want me to know?” Over time, our critic learns that they are not alone and that other parts of us are there to help. The critic realises it does not need to shout to protect us, and it can call on self-compassion to help it out.
If your critic shows up this week, pause and notice it. Listen and understand why it is there. Ask it, “What are you protecting me from?” Then let self-compassion sit beside it, calm and curious, and see what they can come up with together.
When we can do this, our critic is not as loud, and we can often find clarity and direction. There are no bad parts, just parts that want to be heard. Listen to them as you would a friend.
Stay brave, curious, and kind,
MC Mandile (she/her)
Senior Psychologist, Bush Support Line
- Neff, K. (n.d.). What is self-compassion? Self-Compassion. Retrieved 11 February 2026, from https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/#what-is-self-compassion
