We all carry one. We can’t see each other’s, and sometimes we don’t even notice our own. But imagine that you and everyone you meet is wearing a backpack. Not the ones that you might take hiking or have in the back of your car, but an invisible backpack.
Some backpacks are light while others may be overflowing. The thing is, we generally don’t know what someone else is carrying.
One person can be carrying grief after losing someone they love, or worry about teenagers, adult children or ageing parents hundreds of kilometres away. Someone else could be carrying financial stress, relationship difficulties, health concerns, or homesickness. A colleague may have spent the night up with a sick child before they got to work, while another is trying to work out if they can keep doing this job.
A lot of people carry memories that they have never spoken about. Childhood experiences, trauma, disappointment, loss, fear, guilt and shame. Some have been carrying a heavy load for so long that they don’t even realise how heavy it has become.
In rural and remote healthcare, we often become very good at carrying things. We carry responsibility and stories. We also carry workforce shortages, long days, difficult decisions, and the emotional stress of caring for others. Somewhere along the way, we can begin to believe that carrying it all is just a part of the job. But then, over time, our backpack becomes even heavier.
The interesting thing about these backpacks is that their weight will change how we move. When we are carrying a heavy load, we will get tired more quickly. We start to become less patient, and those small issues suddenly become huge. We might withdraw from others or become super reactive to things that may not have bothered us before. And, sometimes, we don’t even recognise that it’s because of the weight in our backpack that we are carrying.
This is when our critic can shine, and we start to tell ourselves that we are not coping very well, need to ‘harden up ’, and that this is ‘just life’. But maybe we are just carrying too much.
Just as we carry an invisible backpack, others do too. So it is also good to remember that when someone else seems to be a bit short with us, distant, distracted or impatient, we don’t always know what has been added to their backpack that day. It doesn’t excuse hurtful behaviour, but it could remind us to be more curious rather than judgemental.
It is worth remembering that everyone you meet is carrying an invisible backpack, which includes the colleague who seems unusually quiet, the manager who appears distracted, the frustrated patient and the friend who hasn’t replied to your message.
And it also includes you.
As R U OK? Day is coming up on 10 September 2026; this feels like an important reminder. The question, “Are you ok?” is not about fixing someone’s problems or unpacking their backpack for them. It’s about letting them know that they don’t have to carry it alone.
Sometimes, you may get responses like, “I’m fine,” or “I’ve had a hard week,” but sometimes, when someone feels safe enough, they will unzip their backpack a little to show you what they have been carrying.
We don’t need those ‘perfect words’ or to solve problems for others. The best thing we can do is to offer our presence, our curiosity and our willingness to listen, without judgement or rushing in to make things better.
Our human brain is really adaptable, and we hardly notice when one small rock is added to our backpack each day until we start to feel exhausted and try to work out why. When this does happen, take the backpack off for a while, open it with honesty and look inside it with compassion. Don’t just notice the heavy rocks inside, but also notice what has been helping you carry them. Maybe it’s a helpful colleague, friend or family member. Maybe it’s that walk you do after your shift each day, or that patient who reminded you why you have chosen this work. Our backpacks are also filled with the strengths, relationships and experiences that have helped us make it this far.
This week, take a moment to check out your backpack and ask yourself:
- What am I carrying that doesn’t belong to me anymore?
- Is there something that I can put down, even if it’s for a little while?
- Who do I trust to help carry the load?
- Who around me might need me to ask them, “Are you ok?”
As you move through this week, imagine that every person you meet is wearing an invisible backpack. You won’t always know what is inside, but you can choose kindness before judging. You can also ask the question, “Are you ok?” and if someone trusts you enough to open up their backpack, even for a few moments, remember that you don’t have to carry it for them. You need to walk beside them.
We can not see what everyone is carrying, but we do have opportunities to remind someone that they don’t have to carry it alone.
Check out the RUOK? website and always…
Stay brave, curious and kind,
MC Mandile (she/her)
Senior Psychologist, Mental Health & Wellbeing Service
