Change is a constant. It’s the one thing that we can reliably foresee happening in life. It might look like a new job, marrying or separating, buying or selling a house, or living away from family for the first time. Sometimes those changes are exciting and something to look forward to. Sometimes change can be scary and full of unknowns and uncertainty. Sometimes it feels like, just as you get used to one thing, everything changes again. Change is a common cause of stress for lots of people, and it’s normal to feel some level of anxiety or fear, such as fears of inadequacy, failure, or not measuring up.
It’s normal to initially struggle to accept or adjust to change, as our minds and bodies prefer equilibrium; any change from that equilibrium feels like a threat to survival. Our bodies also react to change or disruptions (either good or bad) with the stress response. These feelings are intensified if we have other stressors happening in our lives at the same time, such as family discord, and can negatively impact our ability to cope, our well-being, and our relationships.
The good news is that there are practical coping strategies we can implement to help us navigate these challenging times of change.
Acceptance. Rather than denying or fighting change, acknowledge that yes, this is a difficult time, and you are feeling stressed, which is a completely normal reaction to the situation. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel, whatever that may look like for you, whether that means temporarily crying, raging, or shutting down. Accept the things that are outside your sphere of control, creating space for the discomfort, rather than fighting it.
Focus on the short-term positives. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when we try to predict every possible outcome. Identify what’s important to you and focus on the day-to-day things you can control. Keep these manageable, so you don’t feel more overwhelmed.
Reframe. Rather than reacting to your first thought of “I can’t!” or “Why won’t this work!” ask yourself, “What can I do?” “Who can I ask or talk to?” or even “How can I make this less stressful?” Look for new opportunities for growth and learning, even if you have to ‘fake it ‘til you make it’! Also consider the previous times you were faced with big changes and how you got through them. You may be able to use or adapt some of those skills or strategies you used.
Patience. In this day and age of instant gratification and results, we can tend to forget that adjustment to new situations takes time. Trust the process and remind yourself that setbacks are normal, and it is consistency over time that brings real change.
Self-care. Right now, this is about managing stress and includes things such as creating a routine, prioritising sleep, eating as healthily as possible, and exercising whenever you can. Don’t worry about the big things and just focus on the basics.
Mindfulness. Think of your mind like an overstuffed closet right now, filled with all the stress and worry around this change. Doing small, regular mindfulness practices is the equivalent of not throwing everything out, but creating a bit of space, allowing a more organised and quieter space.
Seek support. This could take the form of talking things through with family and friends, discussing or collaborating with colleagues, or seeking professional support, such as the Bush Support Line (1800 805 391). Change can feel isolating, and you don’t have to experience it alone.
Don’t let your mind engage in an unwinnable war against change. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, particularly if the change you’re facing is big or there’s a lot of change happening all at once. Learning to better anticipate, adapt to, and accept change are skills we can develop by adopting some of the practical strategies suggested and seeking the support of others, helping us alter our situation and avoid unnecessary stress. You’re not the only one to ever feel like this, so don’t be afraid to reach out. Remember, “This too shall pass.”
Be kind,
Dr Nicole Jeffery-Dawes (she/her)
Senior Psychologist, Bush Support Line.
